We inherit more than the color of our eyes and the texture of our hair … we inherit the thought and behavior patterns of our parents and ancestors.

There comes a time when mothers and fathers experience the delusion of parenthood.  You gave life to beautiful souls. You have dreams about how great a parent you will be/are and create an idea of what your child’s life will be like. 

Then, as they grow and develop reality hits. You end up at odds with your parental skills and doubt if you are a good parent. Feeling guilty for establishing boundaries and fearing you are the cause of any unhappiness they express. 

Eventually, children start disappointing you because you realize that what they are and choose to be is not congruent with the dream you have of them.

This is truly the story of every parent. You may disagree with me now. It could be because you do not have children yet or they are too young. In your heart your child is perfect. Yet with time, you will experience this. Children will make choices that to some degree, will not align with what you would have chosen for them. Whether a career option, a love interest, dress style, habits, addictions… you name it.

You will do your best to guide them to what you believe is good for them (regardless of being right or not) and as a result, they seclude themselves in their self-pity and reject you until they need you again.

People have the habit of forgetting who we are as we grow up.  We forget how we did things that were not aligned with what our parents had for us; and if they were, very rarely do you see people who are truly happy and appreciative for following their parent’s plans.

Genetically we inherit our parent’s traits, which we learned in school. Yet, new science (epigenetics) helps us understand profoundly how the energy of our parents’ experiences can pass from one generation to another. This is not limited to our mother and father. It goes beyond your parents and grandparents. It carries your ancestor’s life experience energy.

Parents are unaware that children repeat the same patterns of behavior they had throughout their lives; the same patterns you repeated from your parents… and that they repeated from their parents.

As I explored my growing pains as a parent, I confirmed that the above is true for my family. I was chatting with my sister and venting my parental frustrations when she carefully paused and said “Mari, your daughter is acting just like you used to be”.

I had forgotten those years. Needless to say, I felt remorseful; back then my sister took the brunt of it. My sister’s feedback gave me a perspective I had forgotten about myself. 

I had recently blocked social media from my youngest child she figured that by resetting the phone she could override all the codes I had in them. When I realized she was accessing social media on her phone, she confessed how she figured it out. 

She was defiant but determined. At that moment I saw myself at 8 years old sneaking around the house looking for where my mother had hidden the Halloween candy. Which I found on top of the refrigerator cabinet and ate some. At that moment, I realized I needed a different approach with my youngest. Dialogue was the way to go… and yes, it is easier said than done. 

When raising a child we are only conduits of life Our responsibility is to get them ready for an independent and purposeful life. To provide shelter, food, and clothing, and to love them so they can learn to love … and to guide them, not judge them. After all, they take after you. 

Kids will repeat your behavior and thought patterns even if the circumstances are different …and then, create some of their own.

Children will be our responsibility for a short time, but the essence of the parent will remain in them forever. In that case, why allow them to walk around repeating our mistakes? How can we avoid it? That is a million-dollar question!!!!!

These patterns did not start with them, nor you… they are handed down from our ancestral line.

How often do you see yourself in your children? How often do you see them making similar choices to those you made in the past? How have you seen yourself in your parents? If you have not done so yet, look closely. The circumstances are different, the behavior and the actions are the same.

There is hope, and it can change now!

Parenthood has made me aware of my parent’s past, and how it relates to mine. Then I see my young adult children as they navigate life. I ache to see them make similar choices to the ones I did. To help them, I have chosen to address (within myself) these choices and how I feel about them. 

Past actions are a reflection of who I was, the trauma I carried, and the inherited pain that was passed on to me. The difference is that now I have the knowledge and control of the situation. As I work on myself, I am breaking generational trauma by healing the reflection of myself that I see in my kids. I also heal my parents and ancestors by healing what I see in them that I do not like in me. 

Now is your turn to ponder, journal, and heal:

What do you see in your parents that you don’t like about yourself? What do you see in your kids that you do not like about yourself?

Mari Méndez is an energy healer and spiritual mentor in Tampa, Florida with an online practice. She is a Certified Emotion Code Practitioner, Master Global Energy Method, Reiki Master, Certified Money Coach, Subconscious Healing Modality & Body Code Practitioner. You can learn more about Mari’s work by following her personal Facebook page or joining her Facebook Group or Instagram